Mandy

Yesterday I went to my uncle's funeral visitation. Today, I went to my uncle's funeral. My uncle was 47 years old. He has twin daughters who are 25. He has a 6 week old grandson. He also had pancreatic cancer and a liver that was doing him no good. On top of those things, he loved good food, good company, and doing good things. He was probably one of the sweetest men that ever existed. And he was my dad's best friend. It's been a bizarre couple of days. My dad is a very strong man in many senses. He was a bus mechanic for 19 years (now he has a cushy computer job) and he could lift a bus engine with no help from man or machine. Strong. He has his opinions on behavior and ideals and morals that he won't bend on even if it means he doesn't speak to two daughters. Stupidly bull-headed, but strong. I've only seen my dad cry once in 25 years, when his mother died. Strong. Yesterday, I watched my dad break down staring at the pale, withered body of his brother and best friend. Today, I sat through a funeral with my dad holding my hand as tightly as someone afraid of flying waiting for take off might. It was the saddest thing I've ever seen to watch this man sob, and when I turned my head away I was faced with two women, the same age as I am (almost), who have lost their father and are doing the best they can to hold themselves together but can't help but let go control when the pastor mentions my uncle being a new grandpa and someone his daughters shared memories of telling secrets too and sitting on his knee even at 25. In between these girls and my dad are the five other brothers who can't say much other than how unfair it is. Luckily (I guess), both my dad's parents are gone. No need to add watching someone bury a child to the list.

i haven't posted on live journal in ages and everyone else is up in here complaining about their jobs, i thought i should join in. i'm not feeling even remotely motivated to be productive today. i don't know about this new job and it's been less than a week. it's not what i thought it was going to be. it's not challenging, and that's kind of what i was looking forward to about it. i was going to take on this big task of organizing and getting things running right. well, no, i'm mostly cleaning up a big mess and trying to pull together a lost cause. even though nobody will say to me exactly that is a lost cause, i know that it is because every person that says anything about seems to know that it's not going to be saved. anyway, i'm still not getting to use my brain, which annoys the hell out of me. why can't i have a thinking job. also, it doesn't help that everyone hates working here. not just the people that i knew before i started, but the people i'm meeting. everyone hates it. and the biggest complaint- they don't take care of their employees. i thought i got out of that environment and i was really happy about it, but now i'm right back in. let's start a tutoring business or something. we can take care of each other and help people and be think and be creative and feel like we spend 40 or more hours a week mattering.

in other news...
my uncle is probably going to pass away by christmas. i just found this out today. my dad has 6 brothers. this particular brother is just 9 months older than him, so they are obviously very close. he has 2 daughters, who are a year older than me, and a month old grandson. my uncle has been dealing with pancreatic cancer for about five years, and for the past year has been having a lot of trouble with his kidney. it's not processing right and basically poisoning him. he went to the hospital over the weekend and they basically told him that there's nothing else they can do for him. so, he's all set up for hospice at home. my dad said they're delivering a hospital bed and morphine to his living room today. it's really sad. makes me want to cry, but i'm at work.

we're redoing our living room and dining room. it's a large task and our house is a mess, but it's going to look really great when it's done. i hope. we're going for a more formal look for those rooms...since there's dog hair and play dough and week old chocolate milk all over the rest of the house.

i'm excited about christmas. i love buying, wrapping, and giving gifts. love it. and the christmas tree. and stocking stuffers. i don't love that there are always a million places to be, but i deal with it.

i don't have anything interesting to talk about. i'm just so, so bored and there's still fifty-five minutes left to work. blech.

I'm hiring a personal assistant, so if anyone needs a job, be sure to submit an application. Duties include but are not limited to: laundry, grocery shopping, driving me around, snuggling now and again, and laughing at my jokes. I will pay the right person in witty remarks and sugar-free fudgesicles.

I don't have anything tremendously exciting to blog about, but I felt it had been far too long since I wasted the peoples' time with my nonsense, so here I am.

Let's do the time warp again and put me in Lansing for work. Just when I thought the driving was about to be near an end, I learn that I will have to be working in Grand Rapids for two more weeks (that's after this week in Farmington Hills ends). The manager of the Lansing center is new and she started training today. Her superior would like for us to go into the Lansing center as a team, so I have to wait for her to finish before I can go there. Ech.

I [finally] received my letter of acceptance to DePaul. I'm really torn about things though. Originally, my plan was to go there in January. I just started my new job, and that's sort of making me want to stay. To gain some experience within the company I guess. Also, about a month ago, I received my award letter from Olivet informing me that it would only cost me $4,000 a year to go there. Which, compared to 30 grand at DePaul is pretty good. Not to mention living in Chicago is pricey and living here is not. But i want to move to Chicago so badly!!! I don't want to make the smart choice. My latest thought is that I could just wait a year and work my ass off, and then go to DePaul next January, hopefully with a potential to just transfer inside the company. Once fall rolled around, I could go back to Japan (DePaul has a 9 month exchange program with a school in Osaka) and that would also be fantastic. Every time I think about it, I just end up going in circles. I really didn't want work to come before school anymore, but I think that that's the reality of things. I can't afford to focus solely on school. I don't know. I'll figure it out.

This past weekend I went to the roller derby. I'm fascinated by the roller derby. Makes me wish I wasn't such a vagina, because it looks like such a great time. Also, although I don't consider myself to be a violent person, I think a little contact sport action might be therapeutic.

Forum is just around the corner. Should be a good show.

After that, it's Halloween!!! I love, love, love Halloween. Stephanie has proposed a costume idea and I like it. Who knows though. Last year we went through like 17 ideas before deciding on one a week before the holiday.

I should go to bed. I have to be in Farmington Hills 15 minutes earlier than usual tomorrow...

Sweet dreams.

these blogs about books, so I'll keep them up. That was oozing with sarcasm, in case you weren't sure. Finished "By the Lake of Sleeping Children" by Luis Alberto Urrea. Interesting read. Sad. An eye-opener. The book was about people living on the other side of the U.S./Mexico border, and although I assumed things are not great for them, I really had no idea. When your getting ready for work involves grabbing some bags, putting on a second layer of clothes, and heading out as early as possible so that you can get a good spot on the trash heap, things could be better. People should read this book. Everyone. Let me also share that the book's namesake, the lake of sleeping children, is a "lake" the size of a pond, where people "bury" their dead. And by bury I mean they put them in some sort of container-wooden crates, cardboard boxes, pillowcases, whatever is available, and toss them in. After a certain amount of time, the bodies float to the top where they provide a resting place and food to circling gulls. And we were torn between oak and cherry wood for my grandma's coffin. I think it's absolutely disgusting that people have a problem with immigration. I'd be more than happy to discuss this further with anyone who disagrees. Read the book. Moving on...




It was a new shoe day! Thanks to my dear, sweet, Stephy-chan. Can't wait to wear the new kicks out! And what a deal at $7!!

Had a rough couple of days, felt pretty anti-social, and cruddy, feeling much better today.

Here's a bizarre little thing that I may as well share: recently found something out about someone that one would think would make them less appealing, totally did the opposite for me. It's like, "Hey, did you hear Teddy burned down an abandoned building?" "Really?? That's sexy." wtf? I don't understand it, but it makes no difference, this one'll go nowhere.

Wish I had something really exciting to share, but I don't. I'm about to start another book. Am a little embarrassed to say I've never read this one before.

I've decided to start posting my MySpace blogs as LJ entries. You don't have to read them twice if you're on both. :)

I have nothing better to blog about than the books I'm reading, but I'll fill you in on that at the end.

Just finished "Crooked" by Louisa Luna. It was about a girl who just got out of prison. It was definitely an easy read compared to the last book I read, although there were moments of some pretty messed up shit. I guess I don't have much to say about it. It didn't move me, didn't greatly stir my emotions. It did make me think about people having to readjust to life and society after the spend time behind bars. And how they have to deal not only with the garbage they were involved with before, but also the trauma they may have experienced while doing time. Also, it was a little sad to watch this girl go right back to hanging out with the same people and go back to the same behaviors that got her in trouble in the first place. Now that I'm writing this, it makes me think about something a client said once, that she wanted to lose weight because she didn't feel like, at her current weight, she deserved to know good people. I wonder if people feel that way after a prison sentence. I don't know. Now I feel like I'm delving too deeply considering what the book was. Whatever. Not a bad read if you're looking for something a little different to breeze through. I've promised myself that I'm not going to borrow another book from the library until I finish the non-fiction I have sitting on my steps. I'm interested in reading it, I just have a hard time getting into non-fiction sometimes. I'ma gonna do it though!!



In other news, my boss's boss called me on Wednesday (I think) and she asked me to come back to work. I explained to her the issues I'd ben having with my boss, faxed her a detailed list I'd been keeping of the sources of my frustration, and told her I needed to think about it. Yesterday, she called again, thanked me for the list, said that she'd be meeting with my boss, and had I made a decision? I told her I would be willing to come back because I miss my clients, but that it should be very clear that my clients are the sole reason I would ever go back there and that I will not tolerate all the bullshit that I was tolerating before. She was glad that I was coming back. She called me back like an hour later and said that any changes to the centre schedule had to be approved by my boss and since my boss will be on vacation all next week, she's not sure when I'll actually be back. This annoys me. I know my boss will not be reachable while she's out of town, she never is. I'm not holding my breath, I am continuing to send out resumes, and we'll see what happens. I kind of planned to go back and to continue looking for a new job, and just keep this job as a source of income until something better came along. Now, I'm sort of hoping that something better comes along before I have to even deal with going back there. Whatev. At least I have the holiday off!

Speaking of the holiday, I'm not feeling so into it. Stephanie was talking about how she really likes to see fireworks and normally, I'm really into them as well, but when she was talking about it, I was like "mmmeh...i could take 'em or leave 'em this year." I know why I was feeling that way, and I kind of still am, and it's stupid, and I need to knock it off. Can someone drop me off on the beach and leave me there for the next month or so??

In other news, again, we went to the drive in last night. I love the drive in. We saw Superman and Nacho Libre. Superman was really good. I think we all really liked it. We all being Rick, Stephanie, and I. I like comic book movies alot. I don't know why. I don't like comic books. Except the movie Unbreakable. I did not enjoy that one. P.S. Superman is HOT! However, and yes I realize I'm putting myself at risk of cape and sword jokes being made at my expense, he lacks that angry, hurt quality that makes Wolverine my a..1 fav comic book stud. Christ, listen to me. Enough about that!! Nacho Libre is not hot. I feel asleep about 2/3 of the way through, which, given my track record for staying awake during movies, is impressive. Last summer at the drive in, I slept through both Ring 2 and The Longest Yard. There were some funny lines in Nacho Libre, but as far as watching goofy Jack Black get slapped around in a ring wearing "stretchy pants," I'm not really into it. I don't think that's very entertaining is all.

At Mac's on Tuesday, Ben was telling Stephanie, Renee, and I about this lost film that Walt Disney and Salvador Dali made, and i've been thinking alot about it. I'd really like to see it. The pink elephants on parade have longs legs like giraffes and there are drawers built into there trunks. And oh, the ants....

I'm boring myself with this one. Sorry. I need to go to the gym and then I think I'll find a sunny spot for more reading.

Next book:

Oh, Cathy! Bless your heart... are you going to come see Damn Yankees this weekend?

Four Jobs You Have Had in Your Life:
*Easter Bunny photographer
*Schmuck on Michigan Princess riverboat
*Foreign schmuck on Michigan boat in Japan
*Weight loss consultant

Four Movies You Would Watch Over and Over
*The Notebook
*Napoleon Dynamite
*Drop Dead Gorgeous
*The Untouchables

Four Places You Have Lived
*Lapeer, MI
*Haslett, MI
*Otsu, Japan
*Lansing, MI

Four TV Shows You Love to Watch
*Family Guy
*American Idol
*Project Runway
*I Love the [anything] on Vh1

Four Places You Have Been on Vacation
*Chicago, IL
*Clearwater Beach, FL
*Gulf Shores, AL
*Manhatten

Four Websites I Visit Daily
*hotmail
*myspace
*
*

Four of My Favorite Foods
*Salad from a buffet
*QD Donuts
*Yakisoba
*Diet Pepsi???

Four Places I Would Rather Be Right Now
*Japan
*anywhere where the temperature is between 70 and 85 degrees
*in bed
*the unemployment office

I tag anyone that hasn't done this. I don't have any idea who that involves.

I need to shave. My legs are like jungles.

This house has gone crazy with animals, but, as of yesterday, one is dead. A mouse. Just a little guy. He was first spotted on New Year's Eve, between kissing at midnight and eating a donut. Then, he played on my bed and I didn't want to sleep in it. The dogs and the cat were useless as far as mouse hunting went. I was two feet away from the mouse and I picked up Popoki and put her right next to it and all she did was purr and rub against my hand. What the hell?! Start earning your keep, I thought. No sightings occurred for quite awhile after that, but we did hear the sneaky devil behind the fridge. Traps were set. Yesterday, I was sitting in the very chair that holds me now and i hear a strange sound. It's Popoki dragging the dead mouse, with the mousetrap attached, across the floor. I freaked out a little. Unfortunately, I was the only one home. So, I put on a plastic glove, got a paper towel, and put the dead mouse and trap in the trash. Then, I covered it up with Entertainment Weekly. I was glad to finally find a use for that magazine. Carrying the mouse to the trash, I felt pretty bad for him. I mean, he just wanted a tasty snack. What if I wanted a little taste of Angel Food cake and just as I was about to take a bite, my head was snapped in two. I guess it's good that he didn't have much time to think about that. Jack broke the window. He's out of control. Now, he has to live in a cage when nobody is home or we are sleeping. I wonder if his new mohawk is responsible for his antics. You know how those whipper snappers get, with their crazy hair. Too bad he can't always be sweet and cuddly. He's great for cuddling, in case you were not aware. Popoki thinks my boyfriend is her boyfriend, and Gunther somehow has a wound on his leg. He keeps licking it. He's getting a haircut on Thursday. I bet they will find a million and one burrs. I wish he would just stay out of the burrs. Oh, these pets!!

I am taking a class. Cultural Anthropology. Every time I leave, I want to be an anthropologist, and I want to someday have a graduate degree. My dad frowned on the anthropologist idea. He frowns on everything. He can't help it and I'm used to it. I love him though. Andy is taking four classes. I'm proud of him for going back to school. I can't imagine it's easy to take eight years off and then go back. He'll do great though, because he is great.

Stephanie, Rick, and I are YMCA All-Stars! We have been going to the gym quite frequently. I'm proud of us. It's not always easy to find the motivation. Stephanie and I have to dance in sexy night wear when we are in "Victor Victoria" in June. That' sort of helps us stay motivated. I would not be happy getting on stage in a teddy or whatever with my thighs looking the way they do now.

I should read, but I don't really want to. Cathy, would you like to come over and read my textbook to me? That would be really great, I would really appreciate it.

I'm really happy right now. :)

Dear Jerks,

If anyone has anything to say to me while Rick is 27, you's better say it now.

Love always,

Mandy

I don't really care about this going around again, I just miss the boat the first time. Don't feel obligated.

1. Reply with your name and I will write something random about you.
2. I will then tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3 got mysteriously deleted by some sort of vegetarian computer virus.
4. I will say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I will tell you my first memory of you.
6. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll then ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your LJ.

I finally finished my Christmas shopping. Now, the hard part begins. The waiting. I want to give gifts NOW! I'm excited about Christmas eve morning. Opening gifts with good friends, and the sweet boy, and having a big delicious breakfast! The party next Friday should be a good time too. Other than that, Christmas will be pretty strange. Last year, my mom threw a huge fit about my sisters and I not being at her house Christmas morning. It was completely ridiculous. This year, she doesn't seem to care at all what goes on. She hasn't proposed a single Christmas plan. It's a little different because she and my step-dad moved up north and my older sister moved to Ypsilanti. But still, her apathy towards the whole thing is bizarre. The past four years, my sisters and I and my dad and step-mom would go out for dinner and a movie and exchange gifts. That was the plan for this year until today. My dad got married last summer and my older sister was a total bitch to the photographer at his wedding and then she was supposed to stay at my dad's with my little sister and ended up getting a bunch of beer and blah, blah, blah. Anyway, these things really pissed my dad off, and he hasn't really talked to her since. He can be a little stubborn about things, and get a little ridiculous. I mean, what my sister did wasn't so cool, but he's taking it pretty far. He wanted to invite her to dinner in spite of things, but she won't return his calls. A couple of days ago, my younger sister got caught sneaking out of the house with three guys. Obviously, my dad was pissed. So, instead of dealing with it, my little sister moved out of his house while he was at work and just left a note. My dad called me today, crying, to let me know that our Christmas festivities would not be happening. He gets pretty into Christmas, mostly because it's usually one of the few occasions that we all get together. He was really upset, he even had to pass the phone off to my step-mom because he couldn't talk. My dad crying is a sure-fire way to get me crying, so it was pretty rough. He just kept saying that he hoped I understood, and that he was sorry that I was getting the shaft because of the things that have been going on. It was really awful. Really awful. Anyway, I don't have holiday plans with anyone in my family at this point, and that's pretty f-ed up. At least I have a three day weekend. :)

On Saturday, at work, I smashed my finger between ten pounds of turkey chili and a metal shelf. I swear I heard something snap when it happened. Now, it's a little discolored, and hurts like crazy. It's still moving fine, so I don't think there's anything seriously wrong with it, but it really hurts.

I'm all registered for classes next semester. And so excited to be taking them again. I have four this semester, and then two in the summer and then I can transfer! That will be a big milestone in my education. Once I'm not at LCC, I will really feel like I've accomplished something. I'll still have over two years left, but it will feel great regardless. Andy is going back to school too. I'm really excited for him, and really proud of him.

Snow is pretty. I want to go sledding.

Yesterday, this girl I work with was talking about how she doesn't want to make new friends anymore. She said, "I'm sick of making friends and then finding out how f*!@ed up they are and just being stuck with them." I thought that was really funny.

I am intoxicated. This is only the second time this month that I have been in this state. That's really something. I don't want to be intoxicated. It doesn't feel good. I feel sick. Janet made macaroni and cheese and it tastes so good, but I don't want to put it in me for fear that it will come back up.

I only have two Christmas gifts left to buy. One of them I totally know what I am getting, just need to get paid again. The other I'm not sure what to get. I love buying gifts for people. The other day, i was so excited about my gift for Andy that I had to start humming so that I wouldn't tell him what I am giving him. I'm weird.

I have this friend, and every time she starts drinking she can tell you exactly what you're feeling and why you're feeling it. It really bugs me.

I am calling in sick to work tomorrow. It's my first time. I'm happy about it.

I don't feel like typing anymore.

I want to have a Christmas tree up. Pretty much all the time actually.

Last post, I forgot to tell the story behind my subject line. When I was at the Dar Williams show, I was waiting in the merchandise line and there was a woman behind me. I knew it was a woman because it was the voice of a woman. Someone she knew came up to her and was talking to her and then he said, "Do you think anyone would mind if I got in line with you?" I turned around and told him I would definitely mind. I was totally joking. They were behind me, what the hell did I care. Anyway, not the point. When I turned around, I noticed the person behind me had a beard. Hmmm...whatev. Then, overheard the person behind me say, "That's the great thing about being the only woman with a beard. It was a little crazy.

I hate my job, that's all I'm saying about it.

One of my "benefits" at work is this junk called MOVE points. It's like points they award you for having high client retention, biggest increase in sales, whatever silly stuff. Then, the points can be redeemed for things on a MOVE website. The things are a lot of points, and the points are not awarded in large amounts, so it's not that great. But, I recently redeemed my points for this fang-dangled pedometer. It has a clock and an F.M. radio and headphones. It's pretty fancy. It came in the mail yesterday, so when I am done here, I am going to go for a three mile walk in 45 minutes. And I don't have to wear a watch!! Nice.

Don't tell nobody, but I really dig my boyfriend. He's very sweet. He says he's just being normal, but I don't know about that. I especially like it when he says that I'm not acting appropriately, and forgetting my role as an insubordinate. Just kidding, we saw that on a television show. Andy would never say that. Anyway, yeah, he's super swell.

So, I was going to do the brain pattern thing posted earlier by Cathy, but I didn't like any of the choices. Instead, I did this one. It's totally dumb, but I laughed pretty hard at the results, so I will share them with you all in hopes that you too can laugh out loud.

You Are a Schoolgirl!

You're not quite as wild as a "kogyaru", but with your short plaid skirt and silly white socks, you're still a sexual fetish object. You can usually be seen hanging out in the girly section of the video game places, collecting photobooth stickers of you and your friends. You may not be as innocent as you look. Did those vending machine panties once belong to you?

I really enjoyed the entertainment in Grand Rapids the other night. The Tobeys are really great. So is Cathy. So is Paul. I'm jealous sometimes of other people's talent. Jerks. Just kidding. It had been a really long time since I had heard Pauly-Wauly Ding Dong play. I'd forgotten what a treat it is. I really liked his new song about comparing you to strawberries, etc. Anyway, way to go, kids!

Last night, I saw Dar Williams at the Arc. She was great. The first time I saw Dar, I had never heard of her before, but my friend Melanie was (is) really into her. Last night, I was able to sing along, and that was fun. The band that opened for her was called Girly Man. They were great too. Cheesy as it sounds, I love when listening to someone else be creative makes me want to be creative. This band totally did that. After the concert, Melanie and I had a few drinks with the guitar and bass player from Dar's band, Dar's nanny, and two sound guys. It was pretty sweet. They were all really cool. Except when we were leaving and the guitar player wanted us to stay and go back to their hotel and smoke weed. Melanie and I were like,"Yeah, that sounds like a really great time, but WHO ARE YOU?!" I mean we didn't say that to the dude, but we definitely said it walking back to the car talking about what a tool that guy turned out to be. Not a bad guy by any means, but come on!! I can't say anything bad about him really, he put us on the guest list. I never would have been able to go if he hadn't done that.

I can't stand working split shifts. There's nothing enjoyable about sitting around for two hours waiting to go back to work. I dropped my film off during my break though, so Friday I will have my Halloween pictures back. Fun!

Time to get back to the grind.

It's been so, so long since last I live journal-ed. Lucky for you all, I have really exciting things to talk about...as usual.

First, let me just say that I friggin' love Halloween!! I had such a blast at Tom's party and Mac's. Wow.

Anyone ever consumed detox tea? I'm drinking some right now. I'm a little nervous about what it will do to me. But sort of also want it to really give me the works. This is so insane. There are two new girls at my work, and they decided we should have a weight loss challenge. So, these two girls, my boss, and I are in a race to see who can lose 10% of their body weight first. I am not competitive by nature. However, I can't stand my boss. And I want to beat her. The only problem is, I've been really lazy about this sort of thing lately. In fact, when Andy and I first started hanging out, I was at a new low and only 2 pounds away from halfway to my desired weight. Then, over the course of two months, I gained 12 pounds. 12!!! Today, I told Andy to call me fat so that I would feel bad and start practicing some self-control. My subject line was his reply. It totally didn't work though because I know the guy didn't mean it. Anyway, now my plan is to drink detox tea in hopes that it will detox like 4 or 5 pounds off. This worked for one of my clients. In essence, I am cheating at the competition. I'm 100% okay with this. I can't let my boss win. And for the record, this will be the only week I cheat. I get paid on Thursday, and then I will be able to afford some Jenny Craig food like everyone else. Things will be a little more fair then. I'm also going to try and not drink so darn much. Them's just empty calories, ya'll. I think I will have a second cup of tea.

I didn't mention the prize for winning the competition. We are all putting in $20 and the winner gets the pot. If I win, I'm going to get my nose pierced again. It hurt like hell, but I loved it. I'm not sure this complies with the dress code at The Craig, but again, I'm 100% okay with this.

That part where I said I had exciting things to talk about, that was a lie. Sorry.

Didn't someone say they wanted to have a costume party for Thanksgiving?

I miss Paul. I haven't seen him in a really long time. Paul, I miss you. I hope that you will be at Tom's Halloween party.

I don't know what to be for Halloween. I keep thinking I know but then I'm like...hmmm, maybe I don't want to be that. Right now, I'm leaning towards an inanimate object. They make great costumes in my opinion. When I lived in the Pan, I was a can of beer. It was really great. And I was very happy with it. And not a single person asked me what I was supposed to be. I become less and less excited about being something with every "What are you?" I recieve. Just make your best guess people.

Last night, Stephanie, Rick, Jim, Renee, Andy, and I carved pumpkins. There was alot of talent in the room. The pumpkins look really great. Andy had one that was all wrinkly, warty like and everyons thought that made it looked extra creepy. I love this time of year and all the traditions/festivities/colors/etc that go with it. And just so you know, Selina, everyone wished that you were carving with us. You are the queen of festive-ness...

I think I am done being a blonde.

Peace, Love, and Honey Nut Cheerios,
(I regressed to 7th grade for a second)

Mandy

You know what?? I really don't care that Roger Clemens is 43 and still throwing a baseball. Would I care more if it were on ESPN?? Absolutely not, but at least if it were on ESPN I wouldn't be without the O.C. I know it's totally lame, but I enjoy the antics of those California teens. Instead, I am drinking an Oktoberfest and eating fat free whipped topping off my hand. Gross.

Does anyone have their Halloween costume ready? Does everyone know what they will be? I know what I am going to dress up as, but I haven't begun the costume preparation. Last year, I was very excited about Halloween, and very gung-ho to create my costume. This year, not so much.

Yesterday, I went to St.Luke's Antique Store with Andy. I found this really great 1930's white rabbit fur cape, and I loved it. I couldn't afford to buy it yesterday, so I decided I would get it Monday after I got paid. Andy said he went there today and it was gone. I hope he is lying to me, or maybe just didn't know where to look for it. There is no organization at that store, just things here and there, so maybe it was just in a different place and he couldn't find it. I hope so. I want that thing.

I wish that I could be someone else for a day. Anyone else. I'd like to live and think like another person in hopes that I would afterwards be able to better understand the way I think. I don't understand the way I think sometimes. I also don't feel like I can talk to anyone about this. I should get a shrink. I know that there is at least one person that would be more than willing to listen to anything I needed or wanted to say, but I am stupid. I'm stuck thinking that it's a burden on the listener or that they are maybe secretly thinking how badly I need professional help. Blah, blah, blah...

I have this client who is really amazing. She has lost 85 pounds since the start of this year, and has never had a moment of not being motivated. It's really incredible. She and I were talking today, and she said that when she reached her goal weight (which is another 60 or so pounds away) she is going to try and be on Ellen, and I can go with her. She said I was an integral part of the process. That made me feel really good. I don't usually feel like I'm doing that much for my clients. Another client told me that if she ever became a lifer at Jenny Craig then the only thing that would make her leave is if I did. She won't become a lifer, she's been very successful so far, but that also made me feel good.

It's bizarre that when you are disgruntled about the stagnant state your life is in, and make no secret about it, that people will still poo-poo the plans you make to get things done. Like, I am thinking that in the fall I will transfer to a certain school (I'm not going to name it because I don't want to hear any bullshit) and everyone has been like, "Why would you want to go there?!?" Well, because I can transfer in the fall, and won't it feel good to only have gone to LCC for four years! And people say how boring it is and crap. I'd be going there to learn folks!! I've had my share of fun over the last four years of my education experience, and look where I am. I think it will be just fine to go somewhere boring and focus on finishing school and moving on with my life. Ugh! Existence can be so frustrating.

Anyway, I feel like I keep complaining. I'm a butthole this week. Sorry.

I think a better challenge would be for seven people to tell me twenty things they know about me. I totally knew without looking that I would be at the bottom of Selina's post. Why do you hate me?

1. I don't like telling people things about me. It makes me feel vulnerable and fear that they will use them to hurt me later. How messed up is that?

2. I love being touched. (I don't mean dirty like, but I don't mind that either.)

3. If I could have any job ever, I would be a wedding dress model.

4. When I was in 4th grade (I think) I went roller skating and sang the song "Will You Marry Me Boy" (Paula Abdul??) to Eric Carlson. We weren't skating together or anything, I was just singing and gazing longingly at him from across the rink.

5. I once played the roll of the young Virgin Mary in a church musical. Jamie Stienkraus was my friend, Sarah, and we sang, "Tell us, Yah Weh, where is the king, where is the king of our dreams? Promised one, David's son, where is the king, where is the king of our dreams?"

6. Sometimes I am afraid that I will one day learn that I am unable to bear children.

7. The only time I have ever done something because I wanted to be like my older sister was when I quit Brownies in second grade.

8. I often feel like I'm wearing the lipstick shade Inaudible/ foundation shade Invisible, but at some point in my life allowed myself to become content with being overlooked, or unheard. I think I will work on changing that.

9. Returning home from Japan was the first time I ever felt genuine self-confidence. I'd been faking it, and probably not fooling anyone, up to that point.

10. I am alomost completely incapable of making decisions that involve other people's lives for fear that they will be disappointed/unhappy/bored/wonder what the hell I was thinking when I made the decision.

11. At one point in my life I owned more than 90 pairs of panties, and over 75 pairs of shoes. Whoa.

12. I was proposed to in third grade. I cried. I didn't want to marry Jason McCauley. I also peed my pants on the first day of third grade. What a year!!

13. I have been in the back of a police car three times, arrested/in hand cuffs twice, and in jail once.

14. Sometimes, I wish I did drugs so that I could use them as an excuse for why I have seem to have accomplished nothing so far in my life.

15. Growing up, we lived across from a park. In the winter, my sisters and I used to sled down the slide. Every winter, without fail, I would stick my tongue to the slide. On purpose. I knew that it would stick and I liked it. After it was stuck there, I would just rip it off. It would bleed and I would go on with my sledding.

16. I would love, love, love to be in an opera.

17. Today, I got my hair cut and colored.

18. I have only eaten Taco Bell once since 1999.

19. Once I covered my foot in pink chap-stick and put a foot print on the ceiling of my bedroom. I was probably like 12 or 13.

20. Trying to come up with twenty interesting things to tell people without telling to much has taken me over an hour and now the boy with the yellow shoelaces is here to play.


I don't know if I even have seven live journal friends, so if I tag you and you've already done this, just disregard my tagging.

Steffidoo
LinusRichard
Beachgrass
Dreampeanut
Jadobonzer
Bodhicraigma
Dread Windigo

I am thinking about quitting my job. I am tired of being the only person in a three person staff that does anything. Also, I am tired of my wiggidy whack work schedule. I want to be taking classes, maybe making some progress towards finishing school, but it just doesn't seem to be working out with my job. I want a job where I make decent money with minimal effort, minimal human contact, and normal hours. Maybe even a holiday off, or do people not get those off anymore? I feel like a jerk when I think about leaving my job because we are short staffed as it is, and the other girl that works with me, who is not my lazy boss, is pretty new. So new that she has no idea what's going on. If I left, things would fall apart. But then again, I don't owe them anything. Especially when I'm not particularly happy, and not at all feeling validated for my hard work. Whatev.

I am watching "Pet Star" hosted by Mario Lopez, who does not have any sort of accent, but all of a sudden he does because he is talking to someone who does. What the junk?! This show is ridiculous. Don't watch it.

I think it is safe to say that the pets at Hilltop Manor are the cutest EVER!

I am very much enjoying the company of a certain gentleman. :) It's nice to spend time with nice boys...

I have three days in a row off this weekend!!!!! WAAA-HOOO! I don't know what I will do with myself, but I will absolutely enjoy every minute of it.

:) :) :) :) :)

that is all